Saturday, January 25, 2003

Once again, it's been a long time since I've written anything. But I guess that's because weblogs are pretty much one in the same with Journals. And I don't write in my diary very often. I believe the last time I made an entry to my actual, physical diary, was over a year ago. Maybe it's been two years, even. Maybe I should crack it open and check?

Maybe it's because I like to live life, and experience what's going on as it happens. I don't want to miss anything life has to offer, because if I miss it, who knows when the chance will come up again?

I like to read, and I like to write, and yet, picking up a pen or pencil and making an entry in my diary is too much effort. There's just so much that happens in my life - so much that I can't possibly write it all down. So many events, so many emotions... I just couldn't describe it all! It would take years to say what I've been feeling in the last month, everything I've experienced. My life is like a movie - only it totally isn't. So much happens, even though nothing has really happened at all.

Even though most of the time, my life can be like one big boring day, repeating itself over and over, there's still plenty of good stuff that comes along with it. And a whole bunch of interestting nuances. New relationships and experiences just screaming to be written down! But do I write them? No. I trust them all to memory. It would just take too long to get it out on paper. Sometimes I'll call someone or talk to someone about the memories, but it just isn't the same. I don't get it out as good as I mean to... Expressions are hard to evoke sometimes.

Like the other day. Yesterday. I had finished my Physics exam, and I walked out of the school building with the most wonderful feeling. I felt so free, so alive, so full of love and wonder! I could do almost anything. My city could burn to the ground in front of me, and I'd still be full of such wonderful, pure joy. I was so full of joy, infact, that I spun around as I walked across the football field in the snow and almost fell down in it. So full of joy, that I sang out for all to hear how I felt. "Now I soar through the air, like a bird; I am free!!" It's a line that Marius in Les Misérables sings just before he meets up with Cosette at her house for the first time. Now he knows where she lives, and he'll be able to finally introduce himself. She's not a ghost, she's a real person afterall. I felt like Marius yesterday. I just couldn't stop feeling so good, so full of pure joy. I was free!
As I continued to walk down the street to my bus stop, I continued to sing - and spin - feeling oh-so-wonderful, in a way I had never felt happy before. I was more than happy. I was full of joy. I absolutely loved that feeling. I still love that feeling, though it has passed now. But a little bit of it stayed behind with me, here in my heart. And now that I know how it feels, how wonderful true joy is, I'll be able to feel that way again.

Why do I feel so good? Why am I full of this new found joy? Well, for one, most of that stress I was talking about before is gone. Now, my Physics exam wasn't my last exam, but it wasn't my first either. It was my second, and my second-last. I only have one left for the semester. I've done well on both my exams, I know. The first, my Law exam, I stayed behind to watch my teacher finish marking it, and she told me my mark. The second, my Physics exam... well, I'm just pretty sure that I did a good job. In both cases, my marks will probably go UP from the exam, rather than down. And that's excellent.

Now all I have to do is study for my Chemistry exam that's on Tuesday, and then I really will be free. Not only free from the stress of this semester, but free from Math - forever!!! ^_^

If you didn't already know, last year in grade 12, I took grade 12 Advanced Math. And somehow, by the grace of God, I came out on top with an 81. That was just amazing! I was so happy and excited. "No more Math ever again, thank the Lord, hallelujah, amen!" I kept telling myself, all the way home.

Well, unfortunately, I was wrong. The OAC Physics course I took had a whole lot more of WAY more involved Math than in the previous year, and Chemistry had some new math too! Thank God I had the Math background I needed from my class the year before, though.

So I'm almost free. Next semester (which starts this coming Thursday) should be easy for me. All I have is OAC English and OAC Writer's Craft, and English comes naturally to me. After all, it is my first language! Oh yeah, and I also have a W.C.C.A. Vocal class in the morning, which also shouldn't be too hard. Only problem: It's also at seven-thirty in the morning. *shrugs* No matter, I've gotten used to the early schedule. I still don't like it, but I'm used to it. I've got a first and fourth period spare too, so if it weren't for the new class, I'd be able to sleep in, and leave early. Oh well. *shrugs* At least I'll have a lighter load. And I thank God for that!


God Bless!


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